Jace Michael has arrived

I've recently found out that having a child completely shuts you off from the world around you...at least for a little while. 

Jace Michael Krasowski has arrived!

. As I was getting ready for what I was hoping was my last doctor's appointment, I noticed that when I walked, this fluid would leak and I just wasn't feeling good at all.  I texted my mom, who then called me to ask what was going on.  As I was telling her, the only thing she kept saying was, "It's time".  My brother drove me to the emergency room, they tested the amniotic fluid and sure enough, Jace was on his way.

He was born on June 23rd, 2011 at 1240 AM to the song Hotel California. 

I'm absolutely in love with Jace.

False Alarm

13 days to go and I thought that maybe today was the day that Jace would make his appearance but after lots of painful contractions, a cervical exam, a straight catheter and some emotions...he decided he wanted to wait.   Although I am ready to hold Jace for the very first time, I think I still need at least a week to get mentally prepared for labor and for my entire life to change. 

I finally finished the nursery and it looks great!  Nesting was exactly what I needed to stop from going crazy!

Jace's crib that was given to use by his Aunt Amber.  It looks GREAT with all the bedding!

The recliner was an ugly burgandy red, so I went and got a slip cover to update it.  It looks brand new.

View from the outside--the curtains match the bedding perfectly!

The changing table area which was an old dresser that was updated with some fixtures.  Not a lot of work and not a lot of money!

15 days to go!

We're down to the wire as "J-day" is quickly approaching.

I've been putting together the nursery (which should be finished this weekend) and thinking of how quickly my pregnancy has gone.  It seems just like yesterday that I found out I was going to be a mother.  I've been thinking about all the hard times like going through pregnancy virtually alone and all the joyous times like when I found out I would be having a son.  I can honestly say that nothhing about this period in my life has been particularly easy, but it's definitely made me a stronger person.

A couple of weeks ago I had gone through a moment of doubt as the "30 day mark" hit and it started to sink in that in four weeks, Jace would be here and I would be responsible for this tiny, fragile life.  As the days passed, I continued to have this doubt and thought maybe I wasn't ready.  There were times that I had considered adoption just so I wouldn't impact my child's life in such a negative way.  THEN I started doing things just for Jace like putting the bedding in the crib and hanging up all his clothes, and putting together a changing table and just like that, I realized there was no turning back.  Jace and I have each other and if we never ever have anyone else in our life, we'll always have each other.

15 days to go and I might be terrified, but I'm also excited to be a momma.

45 days to go!

"What's in store for me in the direction I don't take?"

Jace will be here in 45 days and once again, I have no idea where we will be going once we leave the hospital.  It was planned that we would go to Richmond for six weeks while I was on maternity leave so Ryan could bond with Jace and learn what it was going to take to raise a child...after a certain bit of information that I had recieved on Saturday, though, it looks like that won't be happening. 

I had asked God for a sign as to why I shouldn't move to Richmond and, as much as it kills me, I recieved that sign.

It would seem that Ryan has found a new love interest and it isn't me...or Jace.  When I found out, all I wanted to do was crawl up and cry as hard as I could (I actually did cry as hard as I could on my way home from Richmond on Saturday).  After thinking about it, though, Ryan isn't worth my tears.  I may have hurt him, but he's hurt me 100 times more and that is not a person that I want to be with.  Jace is coming whether I'm ready or not and I have to be strong for him...so what if he doesn't have a father who wants to be in his life?  He has plenty of male role models who will love him and ONE day I'll meet Mr. Wonderful who will love both of us. 

45 days to go, and everything is going to be alright!

The Baby Shower

I can officially say that I've had a baby shower!

Lots of planning went into planning my "perfect" baby shower and although SOME things didn't go as planned and some people didn't show up like they said they would...it still turned out beautiful and wonderful.  We had lots of food, lots of fun, and lots of laughs.


 Here is the onesie decorating station.  The "big kids" got to decorate onesies for Jace and the little kids got to decorate onesie cookies using frosting and sprinkles.  TONS of fun!

We have some finished products.  All the onesies turned out wonderful and I can't wait for Jace to wear them.

My momma and I:  I honestly don't know what I would do without her.  Sure, she is hard to handle at times (who isn't?) and she uses "tough love" in a different sense of the term--but she has helped me through so much.  We wouldn't have had as much fun as we had at the baby shower if it wasn't for her!

The cake from the baby shower that one of my daycare parents made for me.  I was just expecting this sheet cake with some decorations on it--but when she brought this cake in, I was FLOORED!  I couldn't believe how wonderful it was and I'm so truly blessed to have people in my life who would do something like this for me.

I think the biggest disappointment of the afternoon was Ryan's "no show".  A lot of people had counted on him being there (especially me) and when he didn't show up it really hurt my feelings.  I know that I should have expected it, but I still have hope.

All in all, it was a wonderful day and I'm happy that it went as smoothly as it did.  Now, it's time to sit back, relax and get ready for little Jace to get here! :)

Wubby the monkey and a bunny

It was an eventful weekend for Jace and I.  A good time to relax, have some fun, and be around family. 

Saturday was spent doing LOTS of running around.  We were at Zona Rosa, where we watched Jaynie in a parade, got to feed some alpacas, and see the Easter bunny.  We were at dad and Roxanna's where we made some of the cutest chocolate lollipops for the baby shower next weekend.  We were at a birthday party for a two year old (where I quickly saw what having a birthday party for a two year old was going to be like).  We went to subway, where we had our first subway since the Lenten season began and then we went shopping with momma where we got lots of things for the baby shower.  After ALL of that--I decided to get Jace his Easter present early.  Jaynie and I went to build-a-bear and made Jace a monkey (named Wubby). 
::Okay...so maybe I don't do THAT much relaxing::

Sunday was spent with family, which is always a treat.  Being that it was Easter Sunday, most of us went to mass (usually the longest catholic mass out of all of them).  It was great to praise the Lord and come together with people who all believe in the same things that you do.  After Mass--I took a drive on down to Richmond where Ryan and I talked (for the very first time) about Jace.  It has been decided that Jace and I will spend my maternity leave in Richmond.  I honestly don't know how to feel about it because it could either go very well or very badly.  I'm hoping that it will be a time that Jace can bond and connect with both of us and know what it's like to have both parents in his life.  I'm also hoping that I have a better outlook on mine and Ryan's relationship at the end of the six weeks so I can either dedicate and commit myself to him or move on.  I feel a new sense of hope and with the finish line in sight--I can't give up hope. 

Holy Contractions

As we get closer and closer to "the finish line" the contractions become stronger and stronger and last much longer.

Honestly, I don't even know how to describe the pain and it's not even the REAL pain.  It radiates all the way around to my back and knocks the wind right out of me. I can't wait, I can't sit still...what I CAN do is lay in bed and pray for the pain to pass. 
I'm not a "wuss" when it comes to pain--but I have a feeling this kind of pain is going to knock me straight on my ass.

The physical pain isn't nearly as bad as the emotional pain of pregnancy.  I don't care what anyone says, pregnancy is a beautiful disaster.  It can make you feel more beautiful than you've ever felt in your entire life--but the emotional roller coaster is one thing that I will never EVER miss.  One day I can be happier than I've ever been and the next I can be the saddest I have ever been and it's no telling when these days will occur.  It's all a gamble.

65 days to go!