Now or Never

I've got many things on my mind tonight--mainly Ryan.

It seems as though every time I see him, old feelings get stirred up and it messes me up for a couple of days.  Today has been so busy that I really haven't had the time to think about him at all and I hadn't until my sister (who is also a good friend of the father) had said that they had talked last night and he wants to be in the delivery room when I have Jace.

At one point, I would have killed to have him WANT to be in the delivery room.  When my sister had her daughter, the father of her baby (they're still together--they don't have nearly as much drama as I have) stayed by her side, held her hand, got her washcloths for her forehead, and was very interactive with the delivery.  Is Ryan going to do that?  Is he going to hold my hand and cut the umbilical cord?  Will he do all those things that he is SUPPOSED to do as the father or will he sit in a corner texting, "My Sexy Chick"?
I'm tired of putting myself in situations that end up hurting me.  I had always had a shred of hope that he would come around and want to be with me so we can raise our son together--but that hope is gone. 
He's NOT going to come around.  He's NOT going to love me ever again and sadly enough, I really think Jace is going to feel that. 

So, the question that I'm left asking myself tonight is: Does Ryan DESERVE to be in the delivery room when I have Jace?  Does someone who hasn't been interested at all in my pregnancy, who hasn't felt his son kick, who didn't go and register for baby stuff and who isn't concerned with where we will be AFTER I have Jace deserve to be in the delivery room?