If there is one thing I try to remember, it would be those words. It's kind of become somewhat of a motto during the past couple of months, more recently than ever.
The father of my son isn't really in our picture. Ryan WAS the love of my life--at two weeks I knew that I had loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We had been through our fair share of mess in the short three months that we dated and eventually, that mess just got to be too much. When I found out I was pregnant--he completely stepped back.
When I ask God why he has taken Ryan out of our lives, I don't really never get a clear response and that is probably the way that God wants it. I know that He wouldn't give me anymore than I could handle and I am capable of representing both parents in my son's life. I am capable of supporting him financially and loving him unconditionally.
What's heartbreaking to me is that one day, I just won't be enough. I'm terrified that one day, Jace is going to ask me why his daddy didn't want him or didn't care--and that is something that makes me angry as well as sad because he doesn't deserve that.
So, somedays, "everything happens for a reason" just isn't enough. I want to KNOW that reason. I want to KNOW why.
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