Wubby the monkey and a bunny

It was an eventful weekend for Jace and I.  A good time to relax, have some fun, and be around family. 

Saturday was spent doing LOTS of running around.  We were at Zona Rosa, where we watched Jaynie in a parade, got to feed some alpacas, and see the Easter bunny.  We were at dad and Roxanna's where we made some of the cutest chocolate lollipops for the baby shower next weekend.  We were at a birthday party for a two year old (where I quickly saw what having a birthday party for a two year old was going to be like).  We went to subway, where we had our first subway since the Lenten season began and then we went shopping with momma where we got lots of things for the baby shower.  After ALL of that--I decided to get Jace his Easter present early.  Jaynie and I went to build-a-bear and made Jace a monkey (named Wubby). 
::Okay...so maybe I don't do THAT much relaxing::

Sunday was spent with family, which is always a treat.  Being that it was Easter Sunday, most of us went to mass (usually the longest catholic mass out of all of them).  It was great to praise the Lord and come together with people who all believe in the same things that you do.  After Mass--I took a drive on down to Richmond where Ryan and I talked (for the very first time) about Jace.  It has been decided that Jace and I will spend my maternity leave in Richmond.  I honestly don't know how to feel about it because it could either go very well or very badly.  I'm hoping that it will be a time that Jace can bond and connect with both of us and know what it's like to have both parents in his life.  I'm also hoping that I have a better outlook on mine and Ryan's relationship at the end of the six weeks so I can either dedicate and commit myself to him or move on.  I feel a new sense of hope and with the finish line in sight--I can't give up hope. 

Holy Contractions

As we get closer and closer to "the finish line" the contractions become stronger and stronger and last much longer.

Honestly, I don't even know how to describe the pain and it's not even the REAL pain.  It radiates all the way around to my back and knocks the wind right out of me. I can't wait, I can't sit still...what I CAN do is lay in bed and pray for the pain to pass. 
I'm not a "wuss" when it comes to pain--but I have a feeling this kind of pain is going to knock me straight on my ass.

The physical pain isn't nearly as bad as the emotional pain of pregnancy.  I don't care what anyone says, pregnancy is a beautiful disaster.  It can make you feel more beautiful than you've ever felt in your entire life--but the emotional roller coaster is one thing that I will never EVER miss.  One day I can be happier than I've ever been and the next I can be the saddest I have ever been and it's no telling when these days will occur.  It's all a gamble.

65 days to go!

68 days to go!

As we draw closer and closer to the "finish line"--I become more and more excited to be a mother and the thought of me doing it alone gets further and further away.  At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was worried and even scared to be a single mother but now, Jace gives me something to focus on. 
I don't have to worry about being a good wife or a good girlfriend and I can put some things on the back burner.  What I can focus on now is being a great mother and doing everything in my power to be just that.

This past weekend, I went swimming with the family. Yes, yes--I showed off my "bikini body" and Jace the bump.

 

 I thought maybe I would feel uncomfortable "bearing it all" in public, but I've never felt more comfortable or beautiful in my entire life.  Being a mother is one of the most important jobs and I've made a lot of sacrifices...buts its definitely made me a more beautiful person inside and out.
 

Dear Jace...OUCH!

It's a new day...It's a new pain.

Jace is now the size of a squash and active as ever--however, I don't think he has enough room in my tummy to move around as much as he'd like and of course, with less space comes more pain.
I always find my little guy in the most awkward positions.  On Thursday, he was right up against my stomach (which was terrible because I couldn't really eat anything).  On Friday, he had moved over and started pushing up on my lungs and today, he's sitting low but still loves to move around--it's almost like he can't make up his mind.

With a little man the size of a squash living inside of me, it's become harder to "hide" my belly (not that I want to).  My early maternity clothes are obsolete, so I've made the transition to my larger sized clothes and I'm also walking like a duck.  It won't be long until my little guy is here.

With each passing day comes a new surprise and new excitement. 

80 days to go!

"I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders." - J.Proverb

There are about two and a half months left until I get to finally meet my son, and I can honestly say that I get more and more excited with each passing day.  The anticipation fills me with such joy and fear that sometimes it's overwhelming...but I know that my strength shines through and there is nothing that I should fear.  We're going to learn from each other, be there for each other, and love each other unconditionally...so what do I have to fear?

I wonder what he looks like (even though I already know that he's going to look exactly like Ryan).  I wonder if he'll be an angel baby or a grumpy baby.  I wonder what things he'll be into when he grows up and I wonder if he'll avoid the same mistakes that I've made.  I want to help him with everything, but I know that eventually I will need to step back and let him be his own person. 

It's been a wild ride (and yes, I know I'm not done yet) but if I can get through this alone.  If I can totally turn my life around and devote myself to my son and if I can overcome the obstacles that have been presented to me--then I know the best is yet to come.

7 months

As I enter the dreaded "third trimester", I have many things on my mind up to and including: money, family, living arrangements. 

I'm in a different place than I was even 6 months ago.  I've grown and become stronger, more patient, and I believe in doing the right thing--even when doing the exact opposite seems like the easier thing to do.  I've bought diapers and started "stocking up" on things that Jace will need, I've saved money so I can prepare for the time that I will be off work, and I've set up bill paying arrangements so I won't have to worry about getting money to the bank while I have Jace.  All these things are responsible and I'm proud of the work I have done--but I feel that, in the short amount of time that I have, it's won't be enough.  I've been told that NOTHING can prepare you for what lies ahead, though.

I have a feeling that everything is going to be alright.  What is meant to happen, WILL happen so I just have to remember that it's time to enjoy the rest of pregnancy, work hard because Jace is counting on me, and I can't give up.